


Was it worth it?

by stainhermouthred



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A lot of Flashbacks, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Daredevil AU sort of, F/M, Fighting As Foreplay, Flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 22:12:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: Bellamy finally got his life together, he loved his job, his sister was happy and safe and the worst period in his life was fover. Until someone from his past came back bringing painful memories and drawing him in once again with the fire in her heart and things that he put behind him years ago.(it was supposed to be Daredevil season 2 au but since no one is blind, there are no ninjas and no one has superpowers let's just say I borrowed few scenes.)





	Was it worth it?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi? I know that people wait for "Who we need to be" but I have no time. This little thing is my pet project that I've been writing for half a year now and I write like one paragraph every few weeks but I thought that I will leave something because... a) that finale! b) I am leaving this website for a month because I have a whole 30days of various exams (med school hates me.)  
> Anyway it will be continued just as my previous multichapter but in a month or so. Anyway comment me what you think ;)

_“Was it worth it? Loving her?” Miller who was so quiet through the whole thing spoke up, his voice rough and flat like he didn’t expect to be dignified with response._

_Bellamy swallowed hard looking in the distance and after a bit answered, his voice calm and collected despite the rage that was consuming his mind, the burning rage and grief just as strong at the thought of that girl who dared to wander into his life and then set everything around on fire with no care in the world just before she burned herself: “Yes, it was worth it”_

 

**

_Now_

The brief flicker of light in the darkness set him off but he was tired and it wasn’t that uncommon for Octavia to just appear in his apartment so he decided to let it pass. He dropped the keys on the dresser with a clatter and propped his glasses higher on his nose.

There was another brief flicker and he paused.

Octavia would have yelled something to him already, he wondered if he should try to proceed more carefully but then reminded himself that he made enough noise and that person was well aware of his presence. He closed his eyes for a second before hanging his bag just as the third flicker appeared.

Whoever that person was, they were in no hurry but he decided that it was enough of stalling and walked straight into his living room, into the darkness, vulnerable and open and feeling like stepping there was a big fucking mistake. Another flicker, a flame from the lighter lasting just a second, a glimpse of the face, it all just confirmed it.

He should have stayed in the hallway. Turn around the second he realized there was someone in his home and leave immediately and not stay here in the darkness knowing that the second he turned the light on _she_ would be there. He was stalling long enough that she lit up a flame again and let it stay, her eyes watching him with something between challenge and amusement, her lips pressed against each other in a tight line before they opened and he heard her for the first time in ten years:

“Hello, Bellamy” it was hoarse and low and for some reason it sent chills down his spine. He resisted shaking his head to snap out of it, instead pushing the switch forcefully to turn the lights on.

The flame has disappeared but she was still there.

“Clarke.”

**

_Then, 7  years ago._

“Bell?” Octavia walked into the old gym with a radiant smile on her face her hand clasped in Lincoln’s as she walked among the pillars, closer to the ring and few punches bags near it, one currently occupied by her brother who was ignoring her which sparked something close to worry in her.

The closer she got the more she noticed how tense he was, how hard he was punching, the bag swinging dangerously and his knuckles seemed to be cracking despite the tape around them. Closer still, she could make out his expression.

“Bellamy” she walked into his line of sight and he stopped the bag from swinging, breathing hard, sweat falling down his face, his eyes shining with anger, jaw clenched. “What happened?”

He was burning up with fury  that punching a bag was not satisfying, he wanted to hit and hit and hit until all he could see was red, on his knuckles on someone’s face on the floor, everything would be red, like that goddamn dress she was wearing or these lips that led him here with her words.

“Nothing” he grunted. “Everything’s fine.”

“Where’s Clarke?” asked Lincoln and it took everything in Bellamy not to snarl at him.

“Gone.” He spat out before resuming punching the bag.

 

**

_7 years ago_

Bellamy kept adjusting uncomfortable uniform, faculty parties were his least favourites thing to waiter for if only for the stink eye everyone was giving him. Nevertheless he looked at himself in the mirror and once he was sure he looked presentable enough, he plastered a pleasant and completely fake smile on his face before emerging.

On his way he picked up the tray with champagne that was more expensive than his monthly income and got to the main hall. People were filling in and most of them were people in their mid-thirties and older, talking animatedly about stuff that he didn’t care about but got snippets of anyway.

He smiled at the woman in her forties with elegant hairstyle and classy dress as she took the champagne while she talked about her child going in her steps. He tried not to scowl at the older man who was loud and obnoxious and was talking to Chancellor Jaha and he was as charming as he could when a cute redhead smiled at him and made small talk.

He finished the first tour before coming back to kitchens for refills and high five-ing Miller and Harper that were on the shift with him. “They seem louder than usual, what’s the party anyway?”  he asked Harper and she gave him a weird look. “Seriously? You’re asking that now?”

“Hey, I don’t care _that_ much, don’t be an asshole” he smirked at her and she burst out laughing.

“You’re the one to talk” she grinned and picked up a new tray with champagne. “Griffin&Kane is getting a new partner. Or rather, the kid just got a shit load of shares after her father. It’s basically her party.”

Bellamy blinked and watched Harper roll her eyes at him before turning, her ponytail swinging. “How do _you_ know that?”

“I watch local news, back to work, Blake!” she yelled and got back to guests with that huge smile and charming persona.

This time he paid more attention to the snippets he  heard and could make out that the ‘kid’ was barely twenty and apparently that was a problem. Second problem was that she was a woman but that has been something that seemed to bother people since the dawn of time. Women in a position of power, truly terrifying. He  meant what he said to Harper, he didn’t care about what was happening here but the truth was that this job was really fucking boring so he entertained himself with observing. After few hours he knew that there was only handful of people here that were friendly to that girl, that she was learning from her father and actually knew what she was doing in that company and yet  he still couldn’t locate the girl herself. He wasn’t going to lie, he was curious after these few hours.

It was close to midnight when  he called to Miller that he was taking a fifteen and he walked back to one of the exits. He pushed the door and breathed in the air, it wasn’t fantastic but he was alone here, he wasn’t suffocating among people who, mostly, were more focused on talking bullshit instead of just enjoying themselves.

“Don’t breathe in too hard. Fumes aren’t that great for your lungs” he heard behind him and he turned suddenly only to be met with a young girl leaning against the wall, a lit cigarette between her fingers.

She was beautiful, with carefully done curls reaching just below her arms and in a red dress with a sweetheart neckline. The dress was elegant, reaching her knees and hugging her hips and it seemed like it was her second skin. He appreciated it but he was more focused on her expression that seemed to be insanely bored. He knew that faculty parties were boring but weren’t the guest supposed to be into this?

“I’ll take my chances” he answered.  “There is a secluded  area when you can smoke in there”

“I know” she answered and put the cigarette to her mouth inhaling while she looked him straight in the eye.

“Tired of Princess’ party?” the second the words left his mouth and her eyebrow rose he regretted ever opening his mouth to that girl.

“Princess’ party?”

“You know, Grffin’s kid? I met the Queen, couldn’t quite locate the Princess” he shrugged and the girl snorted.

“Fitting.”

“What, you think that she’s just a waste of their time too?” he said it in a lazy tone because honestly, he wasn’t about to stop talking to a pretty girl and he was curious who the Princess was.

“Why do you care” she asked, inhaling from her cigarette deeply. “For all you know she might be a total bitch who’s in over her head. Or she might be the most capable person of all of them and just play the stuck up bitch part. Who knows, these parties are quite thick on theatrics” she dropped the cigarette down and put it out. “My question stands, stranger,  why do you care?”

Bellamy took a step towards her and tilted his head. “Maybe I’m just bored, just like you are” he might have lower his voice at the last part as if it was their secret but these tricks didn’t seem to work here.

She let out unfunny laugh and gave him a perfectly practised charming smile “Do you want me to say you’re right? Because it wasn’t that hard to figure out why I was here.”

“You can always leave.” Bellamy shrugged again. “There’s so many people here, Princess probably won’t mind”

“We all have our responsibilities here.” She said and he could swear that she looked almost amused.

“Well, when you’re done you can always find me” he smirked at her and yes it was definitely amusement in her eyes but he wasn’t about to let an attractive girl go without trying his luck.

“Why? Will you make my night more interesting? Make me forget my boredom?” she baited

“I can always try” he grinned at her. “Bellamy Blake” he hold out his hand and she shook it surely, smiling at him sweetly. “Nice to meet you, Bellamy Blake”

 

**

_Now._

It seemed like no time had passed. She was sitting like she belonged there, comfortable at his place on his couch, with a smirk on her lips and amusement sparkling in her eyes. He couldn’t count just how many times he wanted this to happen in the past. In the first year, to come home and to find _her._ And yet seeing her in his life again was unsettling him, she didn’t belong here anymore.

She changed, of course she did, her hair was shorter, reaching barely her shoulders, all wavy and shiny and carefully done. She was wearing dark blue blouse with lower cut neck and black pants along with boots with heels and was looking all mature . There were no bruises in sight, marring her skin and he wondered just how much has changed in these seven years that they have been apart.

It didn’t really change his mind though.

“Leave.” He said lowly, almost threateningly.  There seemed to be a flash of hurt on her face for a second but _that didn’t matter._ Not anymore. She gave him a curt smile and while her body was relaxed she was not the same person, the Clarke he met years ago was never simply polite to him.

“You don’t even want to know why I am sitting in your apartment?” she raised an eyebrow and put down the lighter on his coffee table, leaning in, her hands clasped in front of her.

“No. What I want is for you to leave. Right now” his jaw was clenched so hard it was starting to hurt but he couldn’t do it, not again. Not with her.

Clarke bit her lower lip for a second and looked almost insecure for a second. Almost, before standing up and coming closer to him, he needed to restrain himself either not to some closer or get back from her, she was like a flame and he was the moth and he got burned once already. Forcing himself to hold still as he glared at her, the closer she got until there were maybe three feet between them and she talked again, her voice low and calm and it infuriated him because she didn’t belong here with her ice princess attitude and her eyes full of something that he didn’t want to discover.

“I’m back. I came to say that I’m sorry” her eyes were cold and he felt his own beating faster and faster. Her voice made it sound almost like  threat and really, wasn’t it? Then there was that thing where she was lying.

“You’re really not. And I don’t give a fuck, Clarke. Get the hell out of my home.”

“Bellamy…”

“No, enough Clarke! You don’t get to come marching back into my life after seven fucking years and expect anything! Now leave.” His chest was heaving and he watched her as she pressed her lips into thin life and there was something in her eyes that finally looked like twenty years old Clarke he remembered, the fight.

“It was for the best” she answered stiffly. “I came back, I don’t want to behave like you’re a stranger to me”

“I am though? You think I’m the same guy I was years ago? You’re going to pretend you didn’t essentially disappeared? I don’t know you, Clarke! And I don’t want to!”

She raised her chin up and there it was, that cold stare he recognized from that night, she nodded quickly and made her way to his door while he refused to look back at her. She was someone from his past, someone who should stay there, forgotten.

He heard her pulling the handle down and opening the door a little, the slight creaking of the wood deafening in the quietness of the room. But she hasn’t left yet, she spoke:

“I saw the look on your face Bellamy. That night  when you looked at me.  I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t drag you with me.” He might have imagined how sad she sounded or maybe she was acting because he sure as hell hasn’t believed her. Not anymore.

“Are you through?” he asked angry still refusing to turn to her. “Now get the fuck out of my house.”

The door closed quietly and he breathed out in relief.

He went to the cabinet pulling out a glass and pouring himself a generous amount of whisky. The intrusive thoughts kept invading his mind and he couldn’t get overwhelmed or he would do something stupid like try to find out what the hell Clarke Griffin was doing back in the city. He moved to the couch and sat down turning on some tv but he couldn’t focus.

The whisky helped, it burned in his throat and helped him collect his thoughts. He had every intention to avoid her on all costs and just pretend she did not existed. Not after what happened last time. There was no love keeping him bound to that woman who would rather die in flames than face defeat.

Loving her was poison and he learnt it over years, he was not getting close to her ever again.

 

**

7 years ago

“I would like to present you one of our new owners” the woman, Abbigail Griffin, spoke to the microphone in all her glory with long hair falling on her back and black tasteful dress making her look like a woman of success which she was. Next to Bellamy could see Marcus Kane, man in his forties with a beard of sorts and elegant tuxedo, his hand was resting on the woman’s back, quietly supporting. “Please, let me introduce you, my daughter, Clarke Griffin”

The daughter of success walked up to her mother slowly gracefully with a polite smile and perfect posture. Bellamy stood frozen in his place as he watched girl in red make her speech.

She said that she had responsibilities, he had never imagined that he was talking to the Princess herself. Her speech was short delivered in a short amount of time and full of empty words of gratefulness. He could see that, her mouth was smiling but her eyes were empty.

When she was getting down in the thunder of a fake applause she caught his eye and smirked at him. There was a need inside him, whatever it was, that emptiness in her eyes, it felt familiar. He wanted to know her.

Harper kicked him subtly and he swirled almost getting the champagne on her.

“Stop making eyes at the princess and get to work. Maybe we’ll give away all the champagne and they’ll send us home” she added smiling brightly and he wondered where the hell was she getting her energy. He was polite and smiling but it was practice, inside he was dreaming about his couch and a book. Or Clarke. He shook himself quickly and put the pleasant expression on his face ready to serve.

Few hours later they were finally closing. Or rather he was closing because as Harper put it “Slacking off because he wanted to look at the princess”. He flipped her off and Miller for laughing but agreed to do it on his own. When he left the building he got scared to death with the voice he didn’t expect to hear.

Not tonight. Not here.

“Took you long enough”

He turned quickly to see his girl in red leaning against the wall of the building smoking another cigarette and giving him the same smirk she did when she was coming down from the podium.

“I didn’t think you’d still be interested” he sent her his trademark smirk.

She watched him for a moment before dropping a cigarette and putting it out with her heel.

“You made me a promise to make my night more interesting, you better deliver, stranger” she didn’t smile at him but was watching him with that silent amusement and it was making him itching under his skin, he was anxious.

She was standing in front of him and he leaned in a little not touching her but being close enough that he could speak in a quiet voice: “Top of the world is not interesting enough for you, princess?” there was teasing in his voice and smiled sweetly at him. It wasn’t a pleasant smile but it drew him in nevertheless.

“No, this time I want more.” Her eyes were sparkling and he knew that his lips were stretched in a smile because that was his chance to see who was that girl.

He offered his arm and after she took it he led her to his car. It was old but he was a waiter she couldn’t have expected anything more. She settled against the seat and looked at him as he started the engine. She seemed completely at ease and he felt like a teenager which was ridiculous, he was older than her.

They talked.

About her fortune and he was listening to her sarcastic remarks about everything from her mother to her future employees how she was looking forward to being shit talked behind her back. She talked a little how she had to move back to the city to reclaim her part of the firm even though a lot of people wanted to just but her part but it was her father’s company. Her heritage.

She asked what he wanted to do with his life beside kissing rich people’s asses as a waiter. It was nice to speak up about his degree that he was getting and being teased about being a regular nerd. It was nice.

He bought whisky and took her on the roof of one of the buildings.

It wasn’t exactly legal but the look on her face and the pure joy in her laugh made up for that. God, her laugh. He would do anything he could to hear that sound again.

**

_Now_

Bellamy went to work in the morning and everything was normal. He was so prepared to forcefully ignoring every sign of Clarke that he was on edge all day because there wasn’t anything that would point at her wanting to contact him again.

His freshmen were focused and active and Gina was there like always eating lunch with him and it should not have been so normal. By the end of the time he was crawling out of his skin, he saw her for maybe ten minutes why was she affecting him like that.

He decided to go check on Octavia, just in case. He didn’t really believe that Clarke would do something to her but … there were no words to describe it, he needed to see if she was okay or if she was in the same spiral of paranoia as he did. That’s what he did, he protected her.

Octavia was working in the gym full time and in the afternoons she was spending time in the boxer ring or with Lincoln. Or both. That’s where he was heading, he’d know the way to that ring with his eyes closed. When he comes in the smell of sweat hits his nostrils but he welcomes it, it’s always been this way, it’s familiar, comforting even.

There aren’t many people there, never has been, the place is rough around the edges, with yellow light falling inside, few punching bags used currently by some bulky people. In the centre there is a ring itself with two figures moving viciously trying to get the other down.

Darker skin against fair one, both lethal, he watches as his sister fights with her lover, her boyfriend and it’s beautiful in a way. The moves, the smile on her face as she manages to get a hit in. The grace in which they move. The lethal dance. It’s familiar.

He used to have a partner as well.

**

_then_

“You want me to meet your sister in the boxer ring” said Clarke with disbelief in her voice as she was led to the building, they hands joined. “Does she want to kick my ass but doesn’t have an excuse?”

Bellamy laughed and ruffled her hair as she glared at him.

“No, she wants to meet you and she just happens to work there.”

“And you allowed it?” asked Clarke.

“You haven’t met my sister” he grins at her and the girl rolls her eyes and let herself be pulled in the building.

To her credit she doesn’t look surprised just curious, there are quite a lot of people there and she watches as people let out their frustration till their knuckles bleed and then goes closer to the ring to watch two men fight. He comes behind her and slides his hands over her waist pulling her back and into his chest.

“Careful there, I don’t want you to get hurt” he whispered in her ear and he swore he could feel her eyeroll. She pressed herself against his chest and while he was suddenly breathless she spoke in a chipper tone:

“We should go after them. You and me just so you can make sure that I don’t get hurt” she sassed him and he felt like he wasn’t in on some joke.

“We are here to meet my sister princess besides, I’m used to fights, it wouldn’t be fair.”

She turned so he face was millimetres from his and he could easily kiss her right now. Hell, he has kissed her few times already but right now he was more focused on her expression, playful and there was that mischief in her eyes that he longed to see. It was his favourite thing about her, every time he saw her with people from work she looked a little hollow but with him? She had that flame inside her that kept everything around her alive. He lived for  these moments.

“I might surprise you?” she gave him a smile and he would do it, why not. The princess wanted to play so he would put her on her eyes. Several times.

When the ring cleared he helped her get on it with only few sarcastic remarks from her and then they were standing in front of each other assessing. Clarke got rid of her jacket standing in a tank top and her hair high in a ponytail as she watched him and he figured he’d go easy on her.

“Come on princess, hit me” he encouraged smiling widely at her and she smiled back, a smiled so genuinely before rushing in his direction and he got ready to block her only to  have her hit him  not with her fist but with a roundhouse kick sending him into the lines.

He blinked few times his hand going to his jaw as he looked at her confused.

“Told you I would surprise you” she said teasingly. There was blood on his palm and she did that. Before he knew it he surged towards her and tried to get her. They swirled and they dodged and attacked and it was getting his pulse beating faster and faster. She was smiling widely the whole time and it was amazing. The sound of her pants that he’d like to hear in other circumstances as well, her laugh as she get to hit him or huff of frustration when he got one of his own. At some point he had her pinned to his body, keeping her firmly in place and he spoke straight into her ear, mindful of the audience they attracted, his sister among them.

“I didn’t know you learnt how to fight”

“I grew bored with dance classes” she said before throwing him on his back and straddling him, her hands slamming his over his head.  “You? I never heard a word about you fighting”

He moved his hands in opposite directions on the floor throwing her off balance and used his leg to move on top of her. She was grinning at him like she got him exactly where she wanted and he felt giddy just looking at her, there was adrenaline pumping in his veins just as it was in hers and it felt amazing.

“I’ve got some secrets up my sleeve too”

Clarke licked her lips and locked her eyes on his mouth for a second. “I made you bleed” she said quietly not a note of regret in her voice and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her. It was deeper that their kisses so far, filthy and over in a moment because they _had_ the audience. He pulled away from her tasting his own blood in his mouth and moving his thumb to wipe it away from her smiling lips.

He introduced her to O and Lincoln, and they hit it off immediately, talking shit about him and about fighting and Bellamy thought that he was insanely happy because two of really important people in his life right now were becoming fast friends and maybe his life had more in store for him than a quick affair with a princess and half-time jobs.

When they’re alone at the back of the gym she pushed him into the door and kisses him hard and messy and he loved it, the cut on his lips opened at her nip and he didn’t care not when he pushed her and pressed her against the same door working the button of her jeans open and pushing his hands to get her off rough and messy and quick because someone might come but he wanted her to feel even partly as good as he did so he made her come on his fingers, feeling her whimper against his neck and bite down once she reached her peak. He’s going to bruise, she told him when she was buttoning her jeans and she looked proud of it that he kissed her mouth one last time before they leave. He tried to avoid looking at O and Lincoln when he was slamming the door behind him.

**

_Now_

“Hey big brother, what’s up?”

He got back to reality to see his sister all sweaty and  with fresh bruise marring her skin. There was a huge smile on her face that turned into concern while she took a longer look at him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing, just wanted to see my baby sister” he went to ruffle her hair and she ducked with a half-smile before frowning again:

“Come on, Bell. I haven’t seen you like this since she left”

They never spoke her name. She was a dirty secret, something that shouldn’t have happened and she was _back._ Lincoln appeared behind Octavia and rested his hands on her shoulders, a quiet presence that had his sister relaxed in seconds.

“You know, don’t you?”  asked Lincoln sadly and Bellamy grew even more tense. Did he know she was at his place?

“Know what?” he managed to say and earned himself weird looks from the two of them.

“She’s back.”


End file.
